Quotes

I cannot believe I haven't put this up yet!
These are a few of the funniest things that have been said by my friends and I, in the course of our lives.
These are just a FEW.
Most of them may not seem funny to you- you'd have had to have been there- but, to me, every time I read them, I get funny chills.
Every time. I shit you not.


*****
(looking at this guy with a REALLY huge ass on the opposite bunk)
Sarthak: Oh My Gawd, that is one big....one big...4 by 3 pi R cube!
*
(Some girl walks in to school and at the EXACT same time, no kidding):
Me: she looks pretty today
Arpita: wow she looks SO bad today
*
Me: haw. the hongkong emporium festival? how come i didn't know tis was happening?
My sister: you? knowing about ANYTHING?
*
(Talking about one of my profile pictures on facebook)
No, he edited it, I took it
Arjun; Who He?
Me: Ujjwal
Arjun: Who?
Me: Ujjwal Gaurav Raaj Sen
...
.....
Arjun:...Which one is it?
*
Me: I don't wanna get married, I just wanna adopt..
Sis: Adopt a husband?
Me: Freak, no, a kid
Sis: No way, i don't wanna adopt, mine has to be a pretty kid
Me: So adopt a pretty kid
Sis: There aren't any, all the pretty ones will have been taken already

(So I told my masi {mom's sister} this story and her only response was):
Masi: Whose husband?
Me: What?
masi: Well, she's gonna have to adopt someone's husband, na, or else how is he gonna become a husband?
*
Manisha: Wassup?
Me: Meh. Was studying. Listening to Opeth music. And some stupid project
Manisha : Why do all of u make life sound so dull?
Me: I WAS STUDYING! LISTENING TO OPETH! ITS AWESOME! : D : D. AND GLOBAL WARMING : P
*
Me: You called?
Amaan: When? I dont have my cellphone with me
Me: 8 in the morning
Amaan: It's with my mom
Me: SHE called?
Amaan: She's in kerela. I have no bloody idea
Me: Uhh
*
Me: Didi! rubin's sitting with his balls on you!
Papa: Aye, watch your fucking language
don't say 'balls', say 'nuts'
(PS: rubin is my dog, and papa is my father)
*
Me: why're you tryna look sexy if you're going out with two gay men?
Sis: they're the most important
you know, like Devaang
*
Adit: you have to check out this woman.
wait im sending you the link she's so hot!
(sees the link)
Me: yeah i would hit that
*
Me: Dude, Appa got drunk
Sister: Oh, maybe he got cool
*
Aashna (to me):God, woman how many times do you brush your hair ?
Rishabh: Or more importantly, how many times does Arpita brush her hair?
 (PS: Rishabh thinks arpita and I are gay. Seems justifiable from his point of view. He's caught us doing us doing some pretty inexplicable things O.o)
*
Appa : It's not really that funny
Me: Then why am i laughing
JK, not laughing
Appa: Cause you laugh at everything.
Me: That is such bullshit
Appa: JK, not everything. EVERYTHING
*
Appa: Go to bed
Me: Wwith whom?
Appa: Adhiraj (my friend's boyfriend- really hot)
Me: Meh
*
Me: I just ate a hot dog sitting in the park
Arpita: What're you, homeless?
*
Sis: Your earrings suck balls
(on asking for her opinion)
*
Me: How do I say, " let me look into it maybe your observations... are... credible?" ?
Abhinandan: Um. Try. "Let me look into it. Maybe your observations are credible."
Me: Hahahahaha right. I didnt think I could be right : D
Abhinandan: I totally get why :P
Me: I cant even deny it : )
Abhinandan: Yes you can. Say "I don't think so"
*
Sonia: If you're going to be lame, tell me in advance so I can brace myself for it
*
Arpita: My hair is finally showing it's true colours.
It has dropped the silken facade of the extra classes.
My serpentine curls are like Medusa's.
I look like her bloody niece.

...JEEEZUS.
*
Abhinandan: And just a point to be noted.
When I say 'btw'.. I want the voice in your head to be saying the letters b, t,and w and not 'by the way'.
*
Arpita:I think we should do Eco{nomics}
Shrutika: I think we should..Fuck you man.
*
Arpita: Dude she's so faaat..she looks so horrible. She looks like a pair.
(she denied this later, claiming she said 'Pear' i.e. the fruit, which would indeed be no less funny)
*
Sonia: Shrutika order the food na
Me: Domino's right?
Arpita: Hey, can we have Chinese?
Me: Dude why you fucking everything up so much?
*
Arpita: Dude seriously I don't wanna get raped today
*
Me: Jeez he's such a man of a bitch
*
My sis: These Gd Whirlpool boys na
(in place of Gd World School)
*
Shrutika: Are you fucking me?
Appa: Uhh.
*
Shrutika: Fuck you
Sreya: No
Shrutika: Please!
*
(I get off the phone and get online)
Shrutika: Okay, off the phone, i'm all yours now
Sreya: Ooo..tempting
Shrutika: Of course I would heartily (and bodily) prefer to be HIS
*
Shrutika: Oh, I have so many quotes son of a sudden
*
Shrutika: Just the fact that he's going out with her makes me believe he's asexual
Arpita: Yeah, it's like he has no NEEDS
(the LOL JK joke about the girl in this relationship goes as follows:
My boyfriend is Not way out of my league. LOL JK, I'm the girl in this relationship)
*
Adit: I shaved today.
Me: (bending over to get a better look): Yeah..
Did you get your upper lip done too?
Siddhanta: Oh my god Shrutika...
Adit: How did she know!??
*
Abhinandan: I've realised a lot of guys can pick you up
Me: other than my dance partner and Appa?
Abhinandan: Yeah, all they need to do is use pick up lines
Me: *Facepalm*
*
Appa: Just because I have long legs doesnt mean I can't squeeze into small spaces
*
Shrutika: I just find it hard to believe that anyone can be as stupid as me
Arpita: I'm not as stupid but i'm pretty
(she meant to say, "pretty stupid", by the way)
*
Sreya: Shrutika, you know, it's really sad that you talk about him so much without even knowing him
Me: Uh huh
Sreya: And you dont even wanna know him, you want to know what he has. If you know what I mean
Me : Sreya, I ALWAYS know what you mean
*
Me:  Don't you just want to touch him all over?
Sreya: No
Me: Why? Cause you got your own guy to touch?
Sreya: YEAA
Me: Slut, at least i don't act out what i think
Sreya: Yeah well thats not good...you should practice what you preach..
...
....
....
Sreya: Dude, i do want to touch him all over
*
Shrutika: My God, look at that bird on the field, its Huge!
Arpita: Its a Monkey!
(she continued to believe in this despite the 'monkey' flapping it's wings)
*
Arpita: I'm so hungry I could eat my stomach.
*
(both Arpita and I had failed to do a project that has been assigned to us)
Me: Yeah the teacher called about that, she didn't seem too pissed
Arpita: Leniency is in, it is seeming to me.
*
Arpita: You wanna do funny?
(Doing funny is when Arpita and I do the following things at the same time:
1.Write on each other's Facebook Walls
2. Comment on those Wall posts
3. Chat via Facebook Chat
4. Talk on the phone)
*
Me: You make good points!
Arpita: Oft.?
*
Arpita: And he then he said in his cool, hot voice...
(referring to Chuck Bass)

*
Sreya: So is it just going to keep squeezing limes?
(she said this when Appa taught her how to install Limewire, and while it's opening it says, "Downloading music, Squeezing limes..")
*
Me: Taylor lautner and Taylor swift are dating.
Adit: That Bitch!
*
Arpita: So she said that you were always fighting something?
Me: Yeah, I dont know what she meant though.
Arpita: I do. When ever you were around her you were always fighting the urge to injure her!
(Her- this presumptuous bitch who has no friends, and rightfully so at that, but, she's really smart and puts herself out there so I'm sure she'll get by)
*
(referring to the above quote^)
Me: I'm gonna put that in my favourite quotes, dudette
Arpita: Oh my god, that's so obvious and mean, Shrutika, don't do that. What if she comes to your profile, opens your 'about me' and reads your quotes?
Me: Yeah, what a pity that would be!
Arpita: Yeah but just incase she doesnt put your status as
'look at my quotes!"
*
Appa: I'm going to rape your wall.
Me: I bet it's already 5 times pregn