Sore Thumb

The biggest lie anyone ever told me was that I was different.

It's true that I am, but they didn't know that at the time, and in that sense, it was a lie. It was the biggest lie in the sense that so many people told it to me and with so much conviction, that for the longest time, I actually believed it, without even knowing what i do now, without even knowing what makes me different. 

One guy said I was different because my opening line to him was about my bisexuality, and the first conversation I had with him had ended up with him revealing things about his sex life that he didn't talk about with other girls. One guy said he thought I was different because I talked about sex like it was no big deal, and had no qualms about discussing the intricacies of the experience with him, who- at the time- was nothing more than a complete and utter stranger to me. One guy said I was different because I was eloquent and impressive in the way I spoke the English language, without having touched much more than the 7 books of the world's most popular fiction series. One girl said I was different because no matter what I wore, I always looked good, and I always looked like myself. One guy said I was different because there was something almost masculine about the intimidating way I came onto him with my piercingly seductive words and my unflinching, stunningly beautiful eyes. One girl said I was different because I could articulate every little emotion, experience and lesson in such a mindbogglingly explicit way that people with intellect ranging from Russell to porn would buy my logic. One guy said I was different because I could connect every little incident to the bigger picture. One guy said I was different because I sang like nothing was holding me back, and I had a voice so raw and rugged that he almost couldn't believe I was as good as I was. One girl said I had the ability to make any song sound award winning. One guy said I was different because I reveled in the idea of impending doom and dystopia, which I believed was what would dawn upon us on the last day of 2012. One guy said I was different because I valued truth above everything, despite being the most skilled liar he had ever met. One guy said I was different because I had lived with a maniacal, abusive father for my whole life who had trampled on my self esteem and my belief system, and was still armed with an uncanny ability to make everybody laugh with me, and think I was born to spread ebullience and effervescence through the otherwise dreary world of teenagers. One guy said I was different because though I wasn't thin like everybody else, I was curvy, beautiful and attractive, even after I started talking, which was more than could be said about most of the physically attractive girls around us at the time. One girl said I was different because I could say the most heartrendingly romantic things to the man I loved in one moment, with complete genuineness and even sigh afterwards from the lingering impact of the expression of the depth and strength of the bond we shared, and look up and talk about another man in my life for whom I had carnal desires the very next moment. One guy said I was different because I liked to make people happy, no matter what age they were, by doing things for them that they'd appreciate as being thoughtful and giving. One girl said I was different because I couldn't be friends with someone for too long if they weren't good looking. One guy said i was different because I was one of the only 5 people he could stand to talk to. One guy said I was different because I found the situation wherein the world thought I wasn't as good a person as I really was, to be entirely copacetic. One guy said I was different because I liked the same music he did, from every singularly hypnotic ambiguous number down to the trashy pop song that made him want to do a little jig. 

I'm a 19 year old female specimen of the human race, avoiding my mother's wrath by using my laptop in my bathroom, with a bunch of Facebook notifications beckoning my attention, wearing clothes everybody else my age does, evading the pressure of my impending examinations, wishing my boyfriend and I could run away from my parents who I believe have forgotten how to make me happy, over thinking little details of my life, and making a desperate attempt to write something that will get attention from my fellow members in the cyber world, and resisting the urge to use emoticons.

But, they say I'm different. I say I'm different.

I wonder why.